The good the bad and the ugly

All I am these days is tired or grumpy. Poor Steve gets everything the good the bad and the ugly thrown at him. The other day I was so cross I picked up my prothesis and threw it. It missed and bounced off the wall. Its only a piece of rubber so it won't do any harm anyway.

I had a new carer come yesterday with my experienced carer. The new one hadn't seen a mastectomy before so I knew she felt awkward and put her at ease especially with the "trainer" my friend being there I knew if I stepped out of line she would reassure the trainee. Anyway I explained what the trainee would see and what not to expect. We showed her my prothesis and how it fitted into a swimming costume or piece of underwear and then it was time for my shower. This was when she saw the scar and was not unnerved as I had pre warned her. I know its not my place to do this but we all have to start somewhere. I am lucky enough to be open and honest of how I am with with what has happened to me. It is still a loss and sometimes I look in the mirror and wish both had been taken not just one.

Last night I tried a top on and I know when I wore it I would have to wear my prothesis with it so that I know I will feel special in it. I looked at Steve when I was trying it on and asked him what he thought he was as honest with me as ever and we both agreed the prothesis would make the top. Decision made.

Side effects of my new regime of medication are terrible temper, anxiety, sleepiness, nausea and just feeling a general nuisance to everyone. I get so weary I fall asleep or yawn at the drop of a hat.

No warning just gone. I am beginning to look like a panda.

Mind you one thing about all this is I have gone child like. I can't have alcohol due to the medication so sweets have taken its place they are cheaper and last longer.

Sherbet Dip Dabs, Chewits, liquorice allsorts, jawbreakers, wham bars, black jacks, fruit salads you name it I have them. Its like going back in time. Shame Spangles got banned.

Best wishes

Fee