I GIVE UP ON GOING OUT SHOPPING EVER AGAIN

I have tried to alter my life to suit my needs of going shopping. I fully understand it is the minority that cause me to feel the way I do. I had put off posting this as I was coming to terms with what has happened and this will perhaps explain to others in my Postive Life blog why I am so upset and even possibly depressed.

This happened last Friday night and I still have the remains of the bruise. I can't walk far so use a wheelchair to go shopping in. Despite all my best efforts to avoid instances like this a shopper banged their shopping basket in my eye.

The supermarket answer to this problem is that I now get escorted by a member of staff (taking them away from their duties) to assist me with my shopping, so that they can see where problems are occurring. I just wanted to be normal and go shopping.

I know of other people who have had a hip replaced been to Shopmobility and refuse to go shopping in a wheelchair ever again.

I have to wait for the bruising to go down before I can get it checked again at the hospital as this is the same eye that had laser eye surgery on it from the last incident.

As you can see this is no minor bump or perhaps I just bruise too easily.

Fed up Fee

Car

Last year 8 days before I got married the car's front springs had broken and cost over £200 to be replaced.

Today the car went for a full service, good job too as it turns out. A lot needed to be done to the car. The rear springs have apparently broken and the tyres need replacing. We don't do that many miles mainly to and from hospital which means going over speed bumps along the route.

The reason we booked the car in this week is that we are going to a Macmillan conference later this month and decided to check the car over before we went. We were given the price of the full service when it was booked in. Being organised I decided to pay the cost of the full service at the weekend when we dropped the keys in to the dealers so they could collect the car.

Today I receive a telephone call from the dealers to authorise the work. I passed them on to my husband and left him to make the decisions.

After the stress the car caused last year prior to going to London I now leave all the decisions to do with it to my husband.

It is typical we are going to London and the car has problems yet again.

It is a financial payment we could have done without having to make at this moment but never mind at least safety comes first.

An upsetting Day

I have been to a Macmillan Cancer Support Network Site Specific Group (NSSG) meeting today.

I learnt a lot from speaking to others at the meeting some were professionals others were patients.

I had felt it was worthwhile and learnt quite a lot about cancer journeys of other patients and how to behave at NSSG meetings.

When I got home this evening we put the news on. I started to cry. Steve came into the kitchen and held me. Why? Patrick Swayze has passed away and lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. May you rest in peace Patrick. You will be remembered for a very long time.

I don't know why his death has hit more than that of Keith Floyd but it has hit me hard and I can't stop crying over Patrick. I never met him but his story has hit me hard.

Steve understands bless him and I feel assured that I will not be alone.

Best wishes to everyone

Fee

Organisation or lack of it

I went to the hospital for yet another appointment. I had been waiting for this one since the 27th February.

I was examined by the registrar only to be informed that as it is so long ago since I had my internal scan done in February that I now have to wait for another appointment to come through the post and have the scan. If they had looked through my notes prior to seeing me they would have realised I needed another internal scan and it may have been possible to arrange it for today but never mind. Just another waiting game.

I am in a catch 22 situation. I have adhesions on my bowel and if I do have an ovarian cyst which needs operating on these adhesions will be affected. They do not want to carry out any more surgery than is necessary as this will increase the adhesions which are scar tissue.

They cannot remove the adhesions as if they do more will form in the place. I therefore have to live with the condition.

It is fingers crossed that the scan will be clear and that no further surgical intervention is needed.

So I am back in the waiting game.

At least I am keeping myself busy. October looms with various conferences in London to attend.

I have lots to keep me occupied for now so that I can take my mind off my health worries.

Feeling tired today not really surprised.

I am looking forward to tomorrow.

Best wishes

Fee

HOSPITAL AGAIN

I wasn't worried about my hospital appointment today. I thought I would be in and out but it wasn't like that. I saw the vampire again for blood tests.

I have to have a bronchoscopy on 4th August.

I also discovered that I have a gynae appointment on the 14th August. I have been waiting for this appointment since the 27th February.

So a glut of hospital appointments all at once. TYPICAL me.

Never mind I know there are others far worse off than me and I will cope and get through everything thrown at me. I just have to break it down into little sections and try not to worry too much.

My biggest worry was last week so the rest should be easy.

Best wishes to everyone

Fee

HIDING

I want to hide and run away from everything that is happening to me.

Hospital appointments are looming one is tomorrow the other the following Wednesday.

I want to bury myself in my blankets and go to sleep forever. I know life is for living but right now it doesn't feel like it.

I wish my life could be easy. Life is tough I know that more than most. I just wish I could overcome my fear of walking through those hospital doors and sit in the waiting room of the clinic. That is the worst for me the waiting. I hope it is not too long this time.

Many times before I have been sat in the waiting room and nearly bolted out of it. It is fear but what on earth am I afraid of?

My head is in my hands and I keep shaking. The more times I go to hospital the worse it is. Ignorance is bliss, well it is in my eyes and under these circumanstances.

Once tomorrow's appointment is over so will the fear be.

Then the day before the next one the fear will start again.

I wish I could control my feelings but then that would make me boring I suppose. It shows I am human and have feelings too.

Best wishes to everyone.

Fee

I am Fat

Having discovered I have gained a waist of 38" I am on a mission to lose the added weight I have gained. Not only will I be going swimming but I am also going to be using this dvd http://www.officialleanne.com/

So I am determined to lose the weight which is aggravating my joints and lose my writers bum.

Best wishes to everyone

Fee